your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
