FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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