Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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