Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
