she woke up with a sticky ear
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You were trust falling into bushes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
