im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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