dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
