I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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