guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
