my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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