I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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