dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
