Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
