am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
