if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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