If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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