he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
