dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
