we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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