I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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