yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
