Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
