So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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