I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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