Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
