sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
