whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
