one two three fourrrrnication!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
