I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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