I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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