my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
