Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
