chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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