I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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