party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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