I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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