while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
