Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
