Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
