I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
