i love accidental penises.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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