What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
