What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
