If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize