i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
