Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
