why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
