I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
