Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
