I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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