Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
