I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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