I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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