so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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