When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
