12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
