I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
