I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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