Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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