that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
