Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am available for nakedness
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
