oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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