I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
