So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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