i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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