We won't sleep together?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ok first of all what the fuck
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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