I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
