what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
