Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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