How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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