I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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