If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
