I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
