All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
why is half of my head shaved?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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