Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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