Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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