She's never allowed to turn 21 again
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
