My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
