we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
