im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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