I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
True college students do jello shots in the library
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