Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
