Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
