dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Two words: blizzard sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
